how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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