But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
