I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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