Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
