Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
