her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
