thus making me awesome and them whores
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
