Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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