Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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