I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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