Will you blow on my dice?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize