saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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