do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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