it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How external is "for external use only"?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize