She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
