the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
