"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
