she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize