you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
