its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
