Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
