I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
