Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
