i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
