its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
