also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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