I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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