Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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