So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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