Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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