They should really pass out barf bags in church
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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