4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Small penises have feelings too.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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