Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
