ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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