i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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