I love black thongs
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
