so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
