Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I could fuck to npr.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
