i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize