watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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