This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
