So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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