I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
