I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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