i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
