I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
