I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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