my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
