A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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