so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
