put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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