just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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