just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
