Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I bet he comes in French.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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