M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
