She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
this beer tastes like vomit already
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
