Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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