I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
