No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
