Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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