obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
