Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
