I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
