I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
