mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
