The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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