I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize