i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
