he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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