its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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