Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Someone shattered a urinal.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
