Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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