Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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