The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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