You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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