Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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