ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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