Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it was like eating out sand paper
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
