Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
