I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
