You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
