I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
