I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
