we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
