im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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