the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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