At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
