What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
