I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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