The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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