Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
