Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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